Trucking along

It has been a little while since I last posted. My mental state has vastly improved since getting off the last of the psych meds two (?) months ago? I am still having difficulties with time (it all runs together) and memory but overall am much much better. Events that would have thrown me into a deep week or month long depression now only upset me for a couple of hours at most. Then the anger/frustration/unhappiness dissipates like so much mist and I am able to move on. I feel, dare I say it, healthy. No more fog in the head, no more constant and debilitating exhaustion. I must say it’s a wonderful amazing experience and I am grateful to have it again.

Not that everything is cotton candy clouds and lollipop trees. I did have to quit my job last fall in order to have the time to get off the last of the Depakote. As of today I have no leads on any work and I am burning through my retirement funds. There is a $2,500 annual deductible on my health insurance which effectively makes it only good for keeping me out of bankruptcy in the case of an emergency. But I have enough money to get me through the end of the year and I can always sell the car. I am hopeful to find a part-time job to ease my way back into the working world. My continued mental health is the top priority and I am willing to make further sacrifices in order to ensure this.

My recommendation to others who are considering life without psych meds is this:

• Learn everything you can about getting off meds, read other’s experiences, get help from others if necessary but ultimately listen to your body.
• Take it very very slowly. It took me two years and that was probably too fast. Take it one drug at a time. NEVER go cold turkey.
• Take extremely good care of your body and mind. Eat well & get as much physical exercise as you can even if this means walking to the front door and back. Everything helps.
• Drink lots of liquids.
• Cut out all caffeine, including *gasp* chocolate. Caffeine is a drug, find out what it’s doing to you. I switched to decaf and boy did that make me cranky for a while.
• Don’t be afraid to make sacrifices but decide up front what you are comfortable making.
• Have a support system in place in case of emergencies and for getting through rough patches – and there will be rough, briar strewn patches believe me. Every time you cut the dosage you most likely will experience withdrawal. It sucks. It will pass.
• Hang in there.
• You are not a victim. You are a strong person for taking this road. Take back your life.
• It’s okay to fall back, take a drug temporarily, go back to a higher dosage or whatever if you need to. It’s not like there’s a time limit on getting off meds. Take your time and do what’s right for you.
• Pray, meditate, light candles to the goddess, whatever will help guide you through this and give you comfort.
• Don’t be bitter. Shit happens.
• Move on.

I am currently on that last point. Move on. Not sure entirely what that means just yet. Maybe this blog will go as I feel little need to write in it. It has served it’s purpose. Life seems so impossibly infinite right now and I have no idea what to do with it all. I am rushing head first into it trying out all different things, or at least things that seem bright and shiny and new to me. Time will tell where this road goes. Regardless of where I end up, I hope to find you all there.

Peace.