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Oh yeah, feel sorry for this kitty. I’ve been wallowing in sadness for the last three days. Time to move on. As long time readers may remember back in 2007 I had to give up my dog who had been with me for eleven years because I was so psychotic and depressed that I could not longer care for her. I found a wonderful home for her and really thought everything was done. However, they sent me a couple of updates and photos over the years, which I appreciated. They obviously loved her and were doing so much more for her than I could.

On Sunday I got an email explaining in graphic detail how she became ill about a month ago and how much she suffered before they decided to have her put down. Not what I wanted to hear. I mean, fuck, tell me that she died. I don’t need to know the specifics. Now I understand that they were trying to tell me that they did everything to help her, and they truly did. But Jesus H. Christ I’ve already grieved her loss once and now they are making me go through it again. Giving her up was probably the hardest decision of my life and here I feel so guilty that I wasn’t there for her in the end. Were they with her? Did she die alone?

It’s been a few days and I’ve calmed down a bit. I can see the truth of the matter. That I did the correct thing in finding her a loving home where she would get all of the love and attention that I wasn’t able to give her.

The irony is that here I am four (?) weeks off all meds and I could have cared for her now. All due to a misdiagnosis. God that hurts.

Just venting.