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Daily Living in a Manic-depressive World started two years ago today on May 28, 2007. Some posts were pulled from a previous blog which is why the archives go back to 2004. When I first started blogging about my mental issues I thought that medication was the only thing that was going to save me. A white knight in a bottle. While I still believe that psych meds have their use for short term crisis intervention I no longer believe that they are an effective long term solution. My experience has been that people are being labeled too liberally with diagnoses like bipolar and being put on potentially harmful and toxic medication with little understanding of the emotional and spiritual processes that are going on within the individual. I have gone from embracing my bipolar diagnosis and the associated medications to understanding that my “bipolar disorder” was caused by a bad trip on the anti-depressant Cymbalta. I am now med free and accept that I have depressions and anxiety due to emotional childhood abuse and neglect, and the suicide of my father.

I continue to struggle with depression and anxiety as I did while taking various combinations of psych medications. The difference is that I am no longer additionally suffering from the horrible side effects and zombification caused by these pills. I have been deeply humbled by this experience and make no claim that my way is the only way. Every person is unique. This blog is about my experience.

Back in May of 2007 I wrote a post called, “Left Brain, Right Brain” in which I talked about the loss of my creativity after going on Depakote. I am happy to say that it has come back and that I am creative and productive once again. This has greatly helped boost my self esteem and has vastly improved my quality of life. Something that has been missing these last six years.

This road I travel has not been easy and there is no end in sight. Some days are carefree and sweet while others are bitter and hard. I had to quit my job and live off my savings in order to get off the last of the meds and to learn how to live in a way that supports good mental health. I’ve learned to live with less. I’ve learned about what’s important to me. This has been difficult. Since last fall I have not had the support of a therapist or support group as I could not find one that would accept what I was doing. My psychiatrist has been great but I don’t see him much. My friends don’t want to hear about it and my it’s too hard on my family. I have felt very alone in this process. Which is why the comments and emails that people have sent over these last months and the other blogs that I visit have been so important. Thanks a million.

For all who struggle with the mind, I wish you safe travels.