a medicated wonder

I am on what I believe to be the best drug combination that I have ever been on to treat my symptoms. Not only do I feel relatively happy but also clear headed. The fog that constantly shrouded my head is gone. Leaving in it’s place a clarity of thought that has not been present in several years.

The new cocktail is Depakote ER (divalproex sodium), Strattera (atomoxetine HCl) and Risperdal (risperidone). The Depakote and Strattera have been in the mix for a while, what’s new is the Risperdal and the removal of lexapro and clonazepam. Agreeing to willing take a antipsychotic was a difficult and humbling choice. Another antipsychotic, Abilify, had done nothing and it was easier to believe that I wasn’t “that crazy” than to consider that another antipsychotic would prove successful. Now that all the fries are accounted for in my Happy Meal® I am willing to admit that I was actually that bat-shit crazy.

The only medication that I have ever had success with for more than three months was Paxil. Since my brain chemistry is responding so well to such a small dosage of Risperdal the hope is that even if I top out at this dose it can still be increased quite a bit. So, I figure I should have at least a year out it, minimum. Then it’s onto the more hardcore, so-many-side-affects-even-yo-mama’s-gonna-feel-it medications. Let’s put that thought into Mr. Gore’s lockbox for a while until we’re ready to get back to it, shall we?

Anyway, I am feeling my energy coming back. Things are getting done around the house. Long pushed off chores are getting done. I actually want to exercise! Unfortunately, I am also realizing how much of a toll the last three years of depression and medications have taken on my body. I am weak, 20 lbs overweight and get sick easily. It is very discouraging but I am trying to keep a positive attitude about it. Beating myself up isn’t going to help any.

Here’s hoping that you have more positive winds blowing into your life as well. If not now, then soon.