some of my favorite things

One of the great things about being bipolar is getting manic to really good loud music and feeling it vibrate through you like an emotion. One that’s ripping through you like an atomic explosion. One that pushes your heart outside your body. One that has the energy exploding through your head until all you can see are colors and joy, making you feel like god.

Of course, the backlash is always a bitch but for those few moments or hours nothing matters. Not the illness, not all the pills and doctors, not the ruined relationships. The upside to a ruthless disease.

I’ve been swinging into a depressive cycle and am rather pissed about it. I have so few manic moments anymore because of the anti-mania med but the anti-depressants all suck so much ass. They can’t actually make you happy. I’d settle for melancholy but they can’t even give me that without shutting down my liver or giving me life-threating rashes.

Sorry, feeling the need to rant a bit.