mix it up

How is it possible to be happy and sad at the same time? Welcome to the wonderful hell that is mixed states. I hate this. I feel better, in an up mood but at the same time I feel depressed. I know that I will get through this and that the higher doses of the meds need time to kick in. But I really really hate this. I’m allowed.

On top of it all this a friend was going to find out if this really hot German guy was interested in me. My friend was only going to call me if he was. No call, no email. I am having a need to eat chocolate chip cookies until I feel like vomiting kind of evening.

Luckily, due to the rapid cycling I will feel better about this tomorrow. Or not. Depends on the moon phases or my tv viewing habits for all I know. Grrrrrrrr!

lucky you

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joey, baby
johnette sings inside my head
of love and loss and resignation
of all the things she cannot change

we sit inside this coffee shop
i watch us talking
about our lives and pasts
and what we’ve learn and how we’ve grown

you speak of your absent mother
with her schizophrenic mind
and how it past you over
lucky you, lucky you

and you speak about your ex
who is bipolar – just like me
and how you think that meds are a crutch
while i sit there silent, smiling
while johnette sings inside my head
of love and loss and resignation
of all the things she cannot change
lucky you, fucking luck you

and while i’d like to be upset now
my meds have made me numb
i guess you’ll go on feeling normal
so that makes me the lucky one
i may be crazy baby
but i’m not like you

while johnette sings inside my head
of love and loss and resignation
of all the things she cannot change
lucky you, lucky you
lucky you, lucky you
fucking, fucking, fucking lucky you